We now pause the irregularly scheduled randomness for a special message from Captain America!
FACE FRONT TRUE BELIEVERS!
Now I've been hearing rumors lately that I suppositively "died" or something. Well fear not friends for as you can see I'm alive and well! You shouldn't believe what you read in papers, especially when they're reporting on a MARVEL comic. I don't know if you all understand this, but comics aren't real. They're written by middle-aged bald men who never fought in WW2 and think the world would be a better place if Spider-Man wasn't married, also known as "losers".
Did you even read the issue I "died" in? I was shot by a sniper and my girlfriend! Does that even sound like me? I fought the Red Skull for breakfast people! I could and HAVE taken out a HYDRA cell blindfolded. And did you hear how I got into that position for the shot in the first place? Apparently I was back in the Civil War and I surrendered! The hell? I only have one question for that:
Now obviously those communists at Marvel expect the world to believe that I would go back in time to defend President Lincoln and the Union only to surrender to some rebel pansy and get shot by the guy who killed Kennedy. What kind of crap is that? I FOUGHT THE NAZIS! I punched Hitler in the FACE!
Does that look like the kind of guy who would surrender to a grey-coat? I don't care whose side you were on you gotta admit I'm getting a bum rap here. The truth is WAY more simple then that...
I've been on vacation! EXCELSIOR!!! What? Hey you get frozen alive for a few decades and pretend like you don't have NEEDS to attend to. So never fear True Believers! I'm still alive and doing fine! Shoot I'll probably wind up being resurrected in a couple years anyway...
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